dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
