Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
