Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
