well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
