drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
