OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
