It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
