The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
