i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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