U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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