rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I could fuck to npr.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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