She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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