went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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