i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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