T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
