operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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