i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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