Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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