I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
