If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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