she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
