Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She bit a glass in half.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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