woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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