If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
