what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
