i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
