omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she looked like the before picture.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
