The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
