Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
