I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
