her vagina looked like bernie madoff
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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