i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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