Its about making memories worth repressing
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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