can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
