why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
