her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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