Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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