that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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