I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I am one with the molecules
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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