I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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