You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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