I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
