Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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