so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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