Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
