I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
