i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
