apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
