barbara walters just said penis...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
