So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
