We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
