Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
