someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
