Jerry, you need to find god
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
