Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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