Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
