Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
